I know that writing about work is taboo, but since I don't do any work at work anymore, it doesn't count.
Instead I hide at my little dark cubby-hole-corner computer (where I was banished after the one at my desk died) and write on Facebook walls. It's really not that lonely; I am surrounded by hazardous waste containers whose fumes have been making me hallucinate lots of imaginary friends.
Because of the radioactive waste all over the place in my special home corner, it's the only place in the lab where you're not allowed to eat or drink. So of course I blatantly ignore this state law. Typically I have a coffee mug, a water bottle, and some food next to the computer. I even occasionally follow the 5-second-rule. What the hey -- I don't particularly care for children, so it doesn't matter if mine end up being born with 3 heads.
Friday morning, as I was vacantly staring at someone's Facebook profile who undoubtedly I have not spoken to in years, or maybe even ever, whom should arrive at the Bayliss lab but the State of Virginia Safetly Inspectors. They immediately began harassing one of my coworkers about our unlabeled waste containers, threatening $20,000 fines, so naturally she did what everyone in my lab does whenever there is any kind of problem, annoyance, or obnoxious complaining person nearby: direct them to me.
That's right, she led the state inspectors to me in my little corner, where I was at that moment harboring a highly illegal water bottle (think: $50,000 fine for my lab for this). With the computer in front of me blocking their view of the water, they proceeded to stare me down and lecture me on the dangers of unlabeled waste containers. At this point I was pretty much about to pee my pants, thinking that any second they would catch sight of the bottle.
With no other path out of my corner except the one blocked by the inspectors, and no where to hide my water bottle, I thought I was fucked. But then the inspector decided to turn his back for a split second to inspect some other Illegal Hazard on the other side of the room. I saw my opening, grabbed my water bottle and sprinted for the yellow tape that marked the end of the non-eating area.
I crossed the tape, thought I was home free...and the little bastard turned around and caught me. "EXCUSE me, but did I just see you bring that water from your desk?" He sounded like the brown-noser kid in 2nd grade who is pumped to tell the teacher that he caught the retarded boy next to him cheating on the times tables quiz.
(me, breaking into a sweat) "No, of course not, I know that that area is a non-eating and drinking area. I would never break that rule and had just picked up this bottle from the counter right here."
He glared at me, clearly thinking I was full of shit and frustrated that he had no proof. And then he left to harass some other poor undeserving underpaid lab technician.
Sarah: 1, State of Virginia: 0
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